Mothers

Is it difficult for a mother to watch their child living a life they feel is not best for them?

Does a mom always know what’s best for their child?

My mom enters my memories every single day. I think my mom always knew what was best for me even when I put up walls between us. My mom was a force. She was not a coddler. I often refer to growing up with her as Sandra’s hard school of knocks. Her soul was gentle, her heart was helpful, her parenting was fierce.

I was an emotional child. Likely could have been classified as over emotional and probably had and still do have a sensory processing disorder. I cried over everything. My moms solution to that was – go to your room. I was never shamed for crying, just don’t be interrupting everyone else’s day with it. She told me in later years that she wasn’t able to offer me comfort or attention because when she did, I always fell apart more. It was her instinct to leave me alone and let me process my feelings alone. Right or wrong….. I see this as a gift from her. Because the road ahead for me was going to be full of a few big knocks and the feeling of processing my own emotions was going to be integral to my own survival.

I am 3 years older than my mom was when my brother took his life. When I think of this, time slows to a stand still. It is emotional and it is hard to catch my breath. I definitely can not put my feet in her shoes, no matter how I try to, they just don’t fit. Or is it mostly because I don’t want to put them on?

Whenever I had worry as a young mother, she always said to me – you already know what to do, just trust yourself.

Mothers always seem to know when something isn’t quite right with their child.

A feeling of discontent

A feeling in your gut that something is off

An urge to reach out, to check in

We can read their ups and downs, feel their excitement, happiness, and sadness. Without any words being said.

A heart wrenching part of mothering is knowing of unsettling emotions and watching the child figure out how to tackle those emotions. No matter what age that child is.

It has been said that as mothers our job is to teach the child to fly and watch them soar. What if you taught all you could and they don’t fly?

A mother has to let their adult child find their own way and write their own story. It’s the role in walking them home.

I wonder how long my mom had a heavy heart knowing my brother was not well, not living his best life.

I think about how difficult it would have been for her to endure this. But I also think about how very brave she was to let him write his own story.

❤️❤️🙏🏼