The true tragedy of losing someone you love unfolds over time.
There is the loss itself. The trauma and immediate grief. The cloud of sadness that hangs on you like a suffocating wet blanket. The loss that fills your heart and bones and leaves invisible scars there.
My brother died and it fractured a bond. The link to my past was broken because he was the keeper of my childhood.
Even if you are not close, your sibling knows you better than anyone else. There is a rhythm to the sibling interaction that you don’t experience with anyone else.
The constant.
My brother knew me unlike anyone I would meet as an adult.
Then in time, the loss you experienced changes you. And you are no longer the person that your loved one once knew.
And now you no longer know them and they no longer know you.
This is the grief that persists invisibly.
As you move through your own path the invisible greif taps you on the shoulder and whispers in your ear.
When you have a baby…… he will never know her and she will never know him. There will be no shopping trips, no sleep overs, no play dates. There will be no cousins. She will not know his love and I will have to try to love her for the both of us.
When your parent dies….. and he is the one who would be wearing the same shoes and the same suffocating wet blanket.
When you have cancer….. and you need that one person who knows you.
When your children have dance recitals and graduations and big moments….. and they don’t get to experience his support and he doesn’t get to be proud of them.
When others talk about their own siblings….. and you wish for it every time.
I don’t know your invisible grief, but I know you have it. Everyone does. ❤️
Walking Home 